“Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.”
Everything changes when you become parents. Your social life starts revolving around family activities with the children instead of each other. Your own leisure time and down time is now controlled by your child’s schedule.
Your relationship with each other changes, too. He is no longer just your husband – he’s the father of your children. She’s not just your wife, she’s your baby’s mother.
This shifting relationship can change the way that you see each other – sometimes less as romantic partners. That’s why parenting counseling can help.
Understanding each other’s different parenting styles
When you start raising children, you discover how much your background influences the way that you choose to parent. Whether you liked how you grew up or always knew that you could do it better than your mom and dad, your attitude will influence how you raise your kids.
Deciding how to raise your kids can bring up conflicts with your partner. She might have a very hands-on or “helicopter” style – always hovering over your children – while you may be more laid back. Or you could be the one who wants to control every part of their schedule.
No matter how you choose to raise your children, the key to doing it well is to be on the same page. Remember, as parents and romantic partners, you are a team. Presenting a united front, where both parents are in agreement with each other on various topics, will make you strong role models for your children.
On the other hand, being in constant conflict with each other can cause a chaotic environment – which can cause children to feel distressed. Most children thrive with structure, schedules, routines, and discipline. They crave it. Through parenting counseling, I can help you become the best parents you can be.
Maintaining (or rekindling) your relationship is essential when you become parents
It’s easy to let your romantic relationship fall by the wayside when you are new parents. The non-stop schedule of raising a baby can put stress on anyone. Sleep deprivation, juggling baby care with busy work schedules and the upheaval of what was once your own routine dedicated to your individual needs… it all puts a damper on romance.
Once you get lulled into the pattern of giving all of your energy to your children, leaving little to nothing for yourself or your relationship, it can feel difficult or even selfish to want time for yourself.
Maintaining a healthy, loving relationship takes some time and attention.
Some of it is making time to communicate with each other in a meaningful way. Spending quality time together talking, sharing your feelings, and deeply listening to your partner can go a long way to rekindling the romance.
And, while it doesn’t sound romantic, scheduling in time for intimacy is key. Yes, exciting, spur-of-the-moment sex, is fun… but if that is impossible now that you have children, you’ll need to get creative about finding time to fan the flames of your intimate life. Making an effort to reconnect intimately on a regular basis strengthens your connection with each other.
How to get parenting counseling… from anywhere in the world
When you enter parenting counseling, I teach you how to reconnect and rebuild your relationship now that you have children in the picture. My promise to you is that our sessions will be a safe space to communicate your feelings. I take a practical approach that allows you time to practice better communication together in our sessions. You’ll also get specific homework so you’ll have opportunities to continue practice outside of sessions.
Though I’m based in New York, Online Marriage Counseling allows me to work with you from wherever you may be located. I invite you to call me to discuss your specific issues and see how my skills and experience can help. Contact me for a free 15-minute consult to determine if we’re the right fit.
Online Marriage Counseling can help.
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