"The less people know, the more they yell."
Most relationship communication issues start with very small things that build up over time. She secretly hates it when he squeezes the toothpaste tube from the middle instead of the bottom. He is irritated by noisy dishwashing while he’s trying to relax after work.
If you let little annoyances build up without talking through them, communication will start to break down. Then, the small stuff that wasn’t such a big deal initially can snowball into bigger stuff.
The myth of the fairytale romance…
We’re taught to believe that relationships should be effortless.
Cartoon fairytale romances with strapping young princes sweeping the princess off her feet…
Sexy celebrity couples marrying in fantasy weddings or toting their beautiful children to exotic vacations…
Romantic comedies where the nice guy wins the girl with a sweeping romantic gesture…
These all feed into the fantasy that it’s easy.
Perhaps your relationship did feel like a fairy tale in the beginning. When you first connected and your relationship was going well, you probably felt like everything else in life was pretty good, too. You were each other’s champions, supporting each other in successes and lifting each other up in challenges.
So, for many people, it’s a huge surprise that relationships do take some effort. And that’s where counseling in relationship communication can help.
Is a relationship supposed to be hard work?
While relationships do take effort, they don’t need to feel like hard work. It’s all about consistent care and feeding of your relationship.
Especially if you’ve been together for a while, it’s easy to start taking your partner for granted. When you get comfortable with each other, and you forget to tell your partner that you love them or show appreciation for small gestures. Over time, this can turn into hurt feelings, resentment, and ultimately, bigger conflicts.
Through relationship communication counseling, you can learn to take care of your relationship by making small but meaningful efforts. Carving out quality time for conversation, making an effort to truly listen to each other, and taking time to appreciate one another can all help rebuild your relationship and repair your communication.
Which language of love does your partner speak?
When you became a couple, you and your partner came together with each other’s best interest at heart. You cared about each other’s thoughts and feelings. You felt respect for each other. And to rebuild that team spirit, you both need to come together in your communication with each other.
We all have different ways that we express and experience love. You or your partner probably speak the language of love in very different ways:
- Words – like, ‘I love you’ or ‘I adore you’
- Small actions and gestures – for example, by doing chores around the house for their partner
- Small gifts – like event tickets, a special meal, or other tokens
- Quality time – good one-on-one interaction
- Physical touch – hugs, kisses, and intimacy
You might share one of these love languages, but it’s also likely that you and your partner speak different languages. If you don’t know how your partner best experiences love, you may not be communicating your love in a way that they understand.
How to get started… from anywhere in the world
In our sessions together, I help couples rebuild that meaningful relationship communication. While it does require some effort, it doesn’t have to feel difficult.
Our sessions are a safe space to communicate. It is where you can practice respectful talking and deep listening. I’ll show you how to speak in ways that are honest, respectful, clear and loving – so that you and your partner can hear each other’s true messages.
Though I’m based in New York, Online Marriage Counseling allows me to work with you from wherever you may be located. I invite you to call me to discuss your specific issues and see how my skills and experience can help. Contact me for a free 15-minute consult to determine if we’re the right fit.
Online Marriage Counseling can help.
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