Annoying habits of wives and husbands – everyone has them, what can you do?
Does your husband let dirty dishes pile up in the sink, every single time you have dinner? Is your wife always bringing up the past during an argument? Truth is, the longer you are married, the longer will be the list of things that tick you off. It is not as if your spouse has somehow transformed into this bothersome being right after marrying you, you only understand these habits now because you are not wearing your rose colored glasses anymore.
The real trouble begins when your mind frame enters a vicious circle of resentment and you are completely fed up with your partner’s irritating habits. Destructive and constant bickering can erode even the best of relationships, but it is also true that if you continue to ignore the annoying behavior, you may lose your sanity. The irritating habit may appear to be the source of a fight, but the more important thing is how you deal with it.
There is not one couple on earth that doesn’t go through this, so don’t feel singled out when you are faced with a similar situation. Let us walk you through a list developed after careful observation of couples who bounced right back on track after experiencing quarrels on annoying habits.
Every battle is not worth fighting
Ask yourself whether a certain behavior is really worth picking a fight. If your spouse is not able to let go of an annoying habit, for example noisy eating, then just make your peace with it. The foundations of your wellbeing do not depend upon proper chewing and you know that. Learn to love the habit – seriously.
If you were looking for a perfect partner – you’d still be looking. You have to love ALL of them – warts and all. A successful marriage is a consecutive sequence of compromises made on both ends. Focus on your spouse’s plus points, for example they are always switching the lights off when you leave the room, or they let you have the remote when watching TV, and let go of minor things that don’t add constructively to your marriage.
Balance the Negative with the Positive
If you have decided to talk to your spouse to discuss that one of their habits is annoying your brains out, make sure to strike the right balance of positive and negative so that your spouse doesn’t feel threatened. In this way, your spouse will not get defensive and will understand your point of view without having to putting their guards up. For example, if your wife habitually talks loudly on her phone and disturbs your naps/work/football match, just start by telling her how grateful you are to her for calling your mom the other day, and then proceed with your concerns.
Choose the right words
Choosing the right words and their timely delivery can do wonders. If your husband snores, naturally he is not doing it voluntarily or to annoy you. Nevertheless, your sleep gets disturbed and you may have a demotivated day at work because of it. You can encourage your husband to try different sleeping positions, or see a doctor if necessary and this can be done without raising voices or calling names. In this way, you will be able to get your point across without causing any distasteful argument.
Pointing fingers is a bad habit
Pointing fingers and throwing slurs is the last thing you would want to do if you are sincerely looking for a solution. By doing this, you are sending the message that you will use everything at your disposal to make you sound right, or even victimized. Your spouse will feel insecure, and will in turn point fingers at you to develop a stronghold in the argument. This can go on and on without reaching any concrete solution. In order to reach a mutually agreed solution, sit down and converse in a friendly manner which signals your commitment to keep the discussion sophisticated and result oriented.
You are not alone in being annoyed
Everyone has a set of habits that other people find annoying, even you. If your spouse hasn’t brought it up yet, they are doing a great job at being patient and tolerant. So it is always advisable to have empathy and perspective when you think things are getting out of your hands. Take some time out, and think about the numerous things you do that may come under the definition of annoying, and then extend the same courtesy of tolerance that your spouse exhibits towards you.
Make a habit trade
When all else fails, and your spouse is not able to let go of that one thing that gets on your nerve, it’s time for a habit trade. It is a healthy exercise which involves adopting your spouse’s annoying habit for a specific period of time so that not only you know what goes in their mind when they do that specific thing, but also they experience what it feels like to be on the receiving end.
Making use of ‘I’ more and ‘You’ less
While you are making your point, stick to statements like ‘I get upset when you leave wet towels on bed because it makes the room look unkempt’ or ‘I feel uncomfortable when there are bills to pay and you spend excess money on shopping’ instead of saying ‘You are such a slob, you always put wet towels on bed’ or ‘you have no sense, you don’t know how to spend money’.
This is an established truth that marriages are hard, but nothing wonderful has ever resulted from easy endeavors. The key here is to remain steadfast, and to remain in love even during the most challenging of times. You can also opt for online marriage counseling if you feel the need for it. A good argument is objective and candid, never brutal and harsh. So learn the art of argument for a healthy a constructive relationship. It is okay if she is taking umpteen hours to get ready, you can always address this issue when the mood is light.