Financial conflicts in marriage is one of the leading causes of couples to come to counseling. It causes more problems than anything else – even sex.
Fights over money are inevitable in any relationship. When two people come together, they have two different lifestyles. There are spenders and then there are savers and opposites do attract.
Savers and Spenders
Savers often find themselves gravitating towards spenders who are generous and spontaneous when it comes to spending. Spenders gravitate towards savers as well since they get to enjoy a greater sense of financial security. Unfortunately, in the long run, these qualities can start to grate on the nerves of both partners. When there are two different attitudes to money, it is necessary to set up financial goals, which can bring financial security to both of you.
This is a necessary step that is better to be addressed during the initial stages of the relationship. Financial conflicts can easily escalate into different problems since they make it harder for someone to take control over them. In some relationships, the spouse will often leave the management of different finances in the hands of the other spouse. Poor money management will make fights and arguments a common occurrence in the house as well.
Many relationships have been ruined because of this, so it is necessary to establish an understanding as early as possible in the relationship. While this doesn’t guarantee that your problems will evaporate immediately. It does entail you will have good opportunities to address little issues before they escalate into major problems.
But it’s never too late. If this has been a problem in your marriage for several years – isn’t it time to resolve it? Life can be so much easier when you are on the same page. I keep telling folks that one day I’m going to write a book title Marriage, Inc. It’s going to be how people should treat their marriage like a small business. Budgets, goals, milestones, etc. The financial aspect of a relationship is a great chance to build the team mentality in a relationship.
The first thing you have to focus on is being openly honest about the financial situation you are facing. If only one person is managing the finances, they will often face difficulties alone, leaving their spouse in the dark. This often means the other person gets completely blindsided by the problem.
When this happens, it creates a precarious situation because one person will be completely unaware of the goals and aims of the other one. Many times I hear from a couple after everything has come out in the open. He’s been trying to hide how bad it is / she has lost all trust in his ability. And it all started when one person tried to protect the other from bad news. The best laid plans…
Honesty is key. It’s time to put it all on the table and talk about it.
Try the following tips and tricks to get a clearer understanding of managing your financial style efficiently:
- Manage efficiently – Like other aspects, proper management is necessary in order to make your financial life easier. Once you know just where and when to spend the money. Even if they are simple household finances that need to be cleared, you have to be honest about them. Don’t forget to discuss these things properly as well.
- Understanding – Like other things, the attitude you have towards money and your spending habits will be formed since your childhood. Your upbringing will influence the way you spend and your partner’s childhood will also influence their spending and saving habits. Understanding and accepting them will work wonders for you.
- Balance – Don’t try to fight it, try to work out a system that compliments both styles. Being a spender, a saver will help to curb your impulsive spending habits while a spender can help a saver learn to spend a little. Both styles have virtues if they are balanced out properly.
- Prioritize – Learn to prioritize your goals. Some expenses cannot be put off for tomorrow and need to be managed immediately. On the other hand, different expense can be put off when they are not necessary. For example: Paying for your household bills, mortgage and other loans is necessary because they are more urgent. Some goals may also be long term while some are for short term purposes, similarly, managing finances for them can be harder.
- Address the Issue – At the end of the day, don’t tip toe around the issue. If reckless spending is making things hard for you, understand just when, why and how you need to fix things. At the end of the day, don’t let the money you make rule your life. It does not have to be the goal for you, but it can be used to have a better life. No matter how much you or your partner are making, poor management will make your life troublesome, on the other hand if managed right, your financial conflicts can disappear completely.
Fighting over money can make it extremely difficult for you to manage your finances right and it can become an underlying trigger for more fights as well. The best option is to take control of your financial problems together before they take control of you and destroy you.
If you are struggling with the financial aspect of your marriage, maybe it’s time to get some help from someone who can remove the emotion and walk you through the process of getting things on a better footing. Call today.