Intimacy Issues

“If fear is the great enemy of intimacy, love is its true friend.”
-Henri Nouwen

Intimacy issues can happen in the strongest of marriages.

Maybe you were hot and heavy as a couple when you first got together. As the sparks flew, you could barely keep your hands off each other… or your clothes on.

But as time went on, sex has become less and less frequent. Maybe even just once a month – or even once a year – if you’re lucky. Or maybe the sex has always been less than satisfying, but because everything else in your relationship was going well, you didn’t want to rock the boat.

If you’re experiencing intimacy issues within your relationship, know that you’re not alone and that I can help.

Why your sex life cools off… or wasn’t ever that great

It’s not uncommon for the romance to cool down, especially for couples that have been together for a long time. Even the most passionate partners can lose interest in sex with each other. Sometimes other priorities get in the way, and intimacy takes a back seat.

It could also be that sex was always awkward. Maybe you or your partner feels insecure about his or her body. One of you may be afraid that you’ll do it wrong. Embarrassment and fear about speaking up about hang-ups get in the way of becoming intimate.

There may even be fears about rejection for revealing what really turns you on or how you want to experiment in the bedroom.

It can be easy to fall into comfortable habits – like watching TV, reading, surfing the Internet – instead of addressing the real issue of lack of intimacy. But the most important part of rekindling passion starts with communication.

You CAN spark or rekindle the passion

Sex is the most intimate act that two people can share. That’s why having a healthy, passionate, and regular sex life is an important part of long-term committed relationships.

Rekindling the romance begins before you get in the bedroom. It starts with clear communication where both partners feel safe revealing their true desires.

When you start communicating, you may discover many things you didn’t know about how your partner experiences love.

How we solve intimacy issues in marriage counseling

People talk about “safe sex” but they don’t talk about “safe talk.” Having a conversation about intimacy issues is incredibly important and incredibly difficult.

The purpose of counseling is to create a safe space for both of you to explore your wants and needs and speak up about what’s really getting in the way of having a healthy, satisfying sexual relationship. You may discover that your partner expresses love in a different way than you do. They might feel loved when you spend quality time with them, but you might need more physical touch.

Once the conversation starts flowing, old tensions start to dissolve. You may find that as you reveal any hang-ups or conflicts – like differences in libido or unexpressed needs – that you already feel closer to your partner.

The practice continues beyond the session

Outside of our sessions, you will have time to practice wooing each other with better communication and by doing the things that help your partner experience the feeling of love. To prioritize your intimate relationship, you may have to schedule in alone time.

Having a healthy and satisfying sex life does not come naturally. It needs to be talked about and developed. As you dedicate time to practicing, your connection will deepen over time.

How to get started… from anywhere in the world

Working on your intimacy issues can seem daunting, but I promise to help you create that safe space – and make it easier to discuss together than if you tried on your own.

Though I’m based in New York, Online Marriage Counseling allows me to work with you from wherever you may be located. I invite you to call me to discuss your specific issues and see how my skills and experience can help. Contact me for a free 15-minute consult to determine if we’re the right fit.

Online Marriage Counseling can help.

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