The damage of jealousy in a relationship can not be overstated. I’ve seen it happen over and over and it is frustrating to everyone involved.
As humans, we face a myriad of different emotions on a daily basis. The trick, though, lies in understanding your emotions and avoiding getting overwhelmed by them. However, this is easier said than done. No one can have complete control over them and you may feel overwhelmed by your responses at time. As far as emotions go, learning about them, understanding them and accepting them can go a long way in helping you.
One of the most commonly misunderstood yet complex emotion that most people experience happens to be jealousy. In its basic form, jealousy is often mistaken for envy for they happen to go hand-in-hand with each other. Being envious means you desire an attribute or trait that you feel you lack. Being jealous is when you feel threatened about losing what you possess to another person; usually someone perceived as a rival.
Jealousy and envy are two faces of the same coin so you can feel jealous and envious at the same time. Rather than let this feeling overwhelm you, try to use it to become a better person. Twinges of jealousy can make you pay attention; motivating you to appreciate what you have and act desirably to safeguard it.
Uncontrolled jealousy is corrosive for your relationships and can help to bring about negative emotions. The worst part about jealousy is the collection of emotions you will feel when you are experiencing it. Abandonment, fear, anxiety, loneliness, uncertainty, sadness, clinginess and distrust all contribute to put you in a bubble of negativity. And sometimes the harder you work to avoid these feelings – the worse they get.
Constantly bickering, being suspicious and asking about the whereabouts of a person will just push people away from you. When jealous, you may not believe what a person is trying to tell you. When they try to pacify your suspicions, your negative mindset will make it difficult for you to believe them. Eventually, the other person is going to reach the end of their tether and push you away. Ironically, this becomes a self-fulfilling prophesy where the perceived fear of loss turned into a reality.
Ok, your green. Own it.
Fretting over your emotions will not bear any fruit. You will only be able to control your jealousy if you take some steps to address it. Denying that you feel this emotion will simply keep you locked in the same cycle of self limiting beliefs. When you feel jealous, address the issue and ask yourself,
- ‘Why do I feel afraid or angry?’
- ‘Why am I feeling afraid of losing?’
- ‘Why am I feeling threatened?’
Asking yourself these questions will allow you to effectively dissect your emotions. The next step in this process will be to carefully get rid of any baseless beliefs you might have. Addressing them is vital to getting to the root of your issues. For instance, you may be telling yourself something like “I will be unable to cope if this person leaves me.” Or, you may feel something overwhelming like, “I don’t know how I will survive this situation.” The important thing is realizing that you shouldn’t stick to self limiting beliefs. When you are focused on these things, you can easily get side tracked by them. In many cases, you end up making catastrophic assumptions.
Now you have to start pinpointing exactly what triggers them as well. Jealousy is not a random emotion that springs up because of unwanted reasons. Something has to bother a person enough for them to act that way. With greater awareness of your triggers, you can get better control over your emotions as well.
Look for the proof behind these beliefs can help to validate your feelings. If there is no proof, let it go. At all times, behave in a manner, which is respectful, trusting and affectionate towards the other person despite your insecurities.
Try the following to talk your way through your feelings and address the issue responsibly:
- No Blaming – Don’t play the blame game when it comes to your emotions. Their behavior cannot be attributed to your behavior. You alone are responsible for your behavior and your emotions.
- Choosing ‘I’ – When communicating, say ‘I’ instead of ‘you’. Using ‘You’ can sound accusatory. Instead try using ‘I’. For example: The statement ‘You made me feel horrible!” can easily be turned around to mean ‘I felt horrible for the way things turned out.’
- Different Perspectives – As difficult as might seem, keep an open mind. How you perceive a scenario can be completely different to what the other person saw. When discussing these differences, try to listen actively, understand their side of the story and then provide your justifications and clarifications.
- Empathize – When you try to see their side of the story, remember to empathize. This will help you understand what the other person is feeling. It is not easy to deal with a jealous person and having to deal with mood swings, accusations, interrogations, temper tantrums and more can make a person extremely stressed and depressed.
- Compassion – While it is important to empathize with others, learn to be compassionate towards yourself as well. Stop looking for trouble where there is none, stop creating issues and stop creating drama which will drive you and others around you crazy.
Talking about your jealousies does not mean it will all disappear magically. You will have relapses or new issues and problems to deal with, but if you manage your emotions wisely, you can avoid letting it get the upper hand. Jealousy can help to strengthen your ties to someone by making them step up, but it can also severe them just as easily too. Carefully maintaining and governing your emotions is the necessity in this scenario.