Loss of Love
"The opposite of love is not hate, it’s indifference."
- Elie Wiesel
“A couple was celebrating their 75th wedding anniversary. When asked by a local reporter about the secret of the longevity the wife responded: ‘We never fell out of love at the same time.’”
Do you love your partner, but wonder if you’re still ‘in love’ with them?
In the beginning of a relationship, everything is exciting—middle-of-the-day phone calls, sexy texts, first dates—it’s all brand new. But it would be impossible (and exhausting!) to maintain the intensity of initial romantic love for a lifetime. And, honestly, even though that time is exciting, staying stuck there would prevent you from learning who you really are and who you’re really with. Like it or not, challenges—romantic and otherwise—are a big part of how humans evolve emotionally.
Many Couples Struggle With The Ups And Downs Of Partnership
Just like people, love changes over the years. It grows, matures, deepens and becomes more complex. Individual priorities also shift over time, often throwing couples out of sync. What was once an exciting social life may have settled into the same stale routine. If you feel like you’re experiencing a loss of love in your relationship, you’re not alone.
Every couple moves through varying degrees of passion and emotional engagement throughout their relationship. That’s right – every couple. The trick to making a long-term partnership work is to maintain a deep emotional connection with your partner through the hills and valleys. You can also learn to use difficult transition periods as a catalyst for discussion and an opportunity to grow closer.
You Are Not Alone
Real change begins with each of you. In our couples therapy sessions, I can help you both remember why you fell in love with the other. We can explore what it would be like for you each to be a giver in the relationship and what you each can do as individuals to make things better. I can help you remember all the sweet things you used to do for your partner and, in turn, how those gestures made him or her to want to please you back. Couples who independently focus on creating positive changes have a much greater chance of success.
Many couples simply don’t have the tools to communicate constructively about the issues in their relationship. In sessions, we can address reoccurring arguments and discuss solutions that can lead to tangible results. Rather than continuing to wish that you could change your partner back to the way he or she was, you can learn to focus on and appreciate the strengths that your partner demonstrates now. Instead of continuing to feel overwhelmed, frustrated or angry, you can develop effective communication tools and a greater ability to experience acceptance and compassion.
When your relationship is working, everything in life just seems better. Alternatively, when it’s not working, the tension can affect every area of your life. Recommitting yourself takes work, but loss of love doesn’t have to mean ending your relationship. You fell in love with your partner once and you can do it again! And guess what? Your relationship can be better than it ever was.
Couples Therapy Can Help You Reconnect, Reframe Your Mindset, And Communicate Constructively
In our counseling sessions, we will also tease out the underlying reasons that you and your partner may be feeling a loss of love. We can develop strategies you can use to reconnect. I will give you specific tasks for “homework” and we’ll discuss what worked, what didn’t, and why. Each couple is different and I am learning about you as we go along, creating a custom approach to your relationship. As you and your partner begin communicating effectively again, you can also learn how to take responsibility for your feelings rather than blaming, as well as ways to maintain closeness—even when you’re fighting.
It’s my role to act as a consultant to your relationship as you develop and implement strategies that can lead to real, meaningful change. It can be helpful to think of me as your relationship coach and trainer – someone who uses specific exercises and techniques to help you attain your relationship goals. After all, no one bats an eye when we seek out professionals to sculpt our bodies, so why should the health of our relationships be any less important?
The idea of seeking couples therapy can be daunting, but I promise there is light at the end of this tunnel. I invite you to call me to discuss your specific circumstances and how my skills and experience can help. I offer a free 15-minute consult to determine if we’re the right fit.
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