“An object in possession seldom retains the same charm that it had in pursuit.”
Deciding to get married can be the biggest life change a person experiences. Some of the fears and doubts I hear from the people I work with are:
Is this the one? I mean, 6 billion people in the world – is this REALLY my soul mate? Maybe I haven’t looked enough!
The relationship is great – but we need to work out the kinks.
I’ve watched my parent’s marriage and I don’t want to bring their bad habits into my marriage.
We’ve had a rocky road while dating with lots of breakups and fights – maybe this is a sign we aren’t meant to be together.
Lots to think about
Getting married is difficult. No way around it. Wedding stresses such as budget, invitation lists, dealing with family craziness and competing styles can wreak havoc on the strongest relationships.
Then there are more fundamental things to consider:
Where are we going to live?
How are we going to deal with money and debt?
How many kids do we want and when?
What are our parenting styles?
What religion, if any, do we practice?
How do we deal with our friends?
We seem to have different life goals and priorities – now what?
Maybe this isn’t your first marriage and now you have to deal with negotiating with exes and combining family and stepchildren. Maybe you are thinking – I messed this up the first go around, am I ready for a second chance?
Premarital counseling can help answer all these questions and more. By building a solid foundation, your marriage much more likely to succeed long-term.
If you’re going to build a house, you better build a strong foundation
Marriages don’t come with an instructional manual; instead, you have to write it yourself. In my premarital counseling program, I’ll help you write the manual to your marriage. I think of myself as a consultant or coach for your relationship.
We’ve all heard the statistic that 50% or more of marriages end in divorce. But did you know that research shows that you can reduce your risk of divorce by 30% by going through a skill based premarital education program? I believe this is true because it is much better to avoid a problem then trying to fix it later.
In the premarital counseling process, I work with my clients to learn solid communication skills that will serve them for the rest of their lives. We work to create a team mentality. I help you remember: “it’s us against the world, not us against each other.”
In the premarital counseling process, I work with my clients to learn solid communication skills that will serve them for the rest of their lives.
You may have a hard time talking or difficulty listening – but you will learn it here.
You will learn how to fight fair.
You will learn and practice negotiation and how to get to a win / win scenario.
You will understand how to keep the spark alive through the coming years.
You will lay a financial foundation and be able to set your life goals in such a way that you are both “on the same page”
You aren’t alone
One of my favorite quotes is: “The absence of fear is not courage – the absence of fear is mental illness!”
In other words, if you weren’t concerned, you’d be nuts! Every groom and every bride experiences the thought: What the hell am I doing? You are not alone in your anxiety, fears or doubts.
It is right to approach this process of creating a partnership with the gravity it deserves. By focusing energy into premarital counseling, you’re more likely to continue utilizing that energy for the rest of your lives together.
I’m a parent and would like my son / daughter to go through this process because I know how hard marriages can be – but I don’t know how to approach this with them.
I have been surprised by how many times I’ve been given as a gift! Many times in-laws will present a package of sessions to the bride and groom as a way of saying, look – I’ve been through this and I know how hard marriage can be. I wish I had someone give me a few tips before I started. You can avoid some of the mistakes we’ve made. This isn’t about your relationship being fragile – it’s about EVERY relationship being fragile and you should learn a few things before you start your journey.
I’ve worked with couples like this for the past 20 years. As a married man, I know the joys of a relationship that feeds you and challenges you. I also know that living in the 21st century keeps us busy from morning to night. I wanted to create a practice that could reach as many people as possible and make the process as effective and convenient as possible and that is why I started meeting with couples online via web conferencing tools such as Skype.
Helping couples create a solid relationship base is my passion and I’d be happy to talk with you about how I can help. Though I’m based in New York, Online Marriage Counseling allows me to work with you from wherever you may be located. Contact me to schedule a 15-minute consult to find out if I’m the right fit for you.
Online Marriage Counseling can help.
Website Designed by Legendary Lion Web Design. A Traverse City Web Design company.
Contact Bethany Snipes, LCSW×
Contact Clay Cockrell, LCSW×
Contact Denise F. Casley, MA, LPC×
Contact Earl Lewis, LMFT, LPC×
Contact Jim Compton, LMFT, M.Div×
Contact Lynda Wade, Ph.D×
Contact Patrick Cayouette, LMSW×