Relationships and Money
“It’s been my biggest problem all my life… it’s money. It takes a lot of money to make these dreams come true.”
It’s no surprise that money is the number one issue that causes problems in marriage. It is one of the most charged issues and almost everyone has strong beliefs that drive their decisions around money.
When you came together as a couple, you likely both had money issues that you didn’t even realize existed. And because talking about money is not considered polite conversation, you may not have ever discussed your thoughts and ideas about earning, spending, saving, investing, and giving away money.
It’s healthy and good to talk through your money beliefs and discover what you want to create in your life together. Once you start communicating what you truly desire, the topic of money won’t be so highly charged.
Finding Your Money Personality – And Your Spouse’s
The way you deal with it is likely not the same way your spouse deals with it. So, how do you see money?
Spenders tend to enjoy the moment and spend without thinking too much about how much they spend or what they spend it on. They like giving gifts and enjoy the thrill of spending money.
Savers get a rush from putting more money away and seeing it grow. They are organized with their money and keep track of what they have. They are careful with each purchase and find spending to be painful.
Avoiders tend to want to sweep money discussions under the rug. They might have a vague idea of how much they have and how much they owe, but they don’t like to get into the details of the numbers.
Money Monks are a different kind of avoider – they shun money because they often have the belief that money is the “root of all evil.” They tend to want to give money away when they have it and rarely ask for raises.
There’s no one personality that’s good or bad – they’re all just different ways you relate to money.
The good thing is that once you understand why you and your spouse take certain actions with respect to money, you can figure out ways to appreciate and support each other have a healthier financial relationship.
Marriage, Inc. – Creating Abundance Together
When I work with clients about their relationship and money, I show them how to think of their marriage like a business – Marriage, Inc.
It may not sound romantic at first, but that can be a good thing. When you think of your relationship and consider it like a business, you can start taking the emotional charge out of it.
What do you want to create together? What are your ultimate goals?
You might want to get out of debt, buy a home, start a family, build a business, or travel together. Once you start dreaming up your ideal life together, then you can come up with a game plan to get there.
Like a business, you should have a mission statement – your goals for what you want to create in your life together. When you write this down, it will help you focus on taking the next steps to achieving it. Never start a journey until you know where you want to go!
You might think about the best location for your business. Where will you both thrive? Where would be best to raise your children, start a business, or settle down?
You might think about mergers and acquisitions – what kinds of partnerships will you have in your life together? What kinds of friends, activities, and workplaces?
Once the emotion is removed, you have the opportunity to build a successful marriage – and reach your financial goals together.
Finding Common Ground in Money and Marriage
Every marriage is different and has unique goals. When you work on your marriage together as a couple, you have the power to create whatever you like with it.
As with all things – rational, respectful discussion can resolve most issues. In marriage counseling, I work with couples through the difficult world of money and how it impacts their relationship and family decisions.
Though I’m based in New York, Online Marriage Counseling allows me to work with you from wherever you may be located. I invite you to call me to discuss your specific issues and see how my skills and experience can help. Contact me for a free 15-minute consult to determine if we’re the right fit.
Online Marriage Counseling can help.
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